...MY PanDoRa'S BoX...

Why are men such tricksters?

Do they ever feel the hurt they caused?

Do they at least give a damn about the consequences of their actions?

Men are just dumb and brute. So very physically oriented species.

They cant think out of their pants for even a couple of minutes.

Insensitive, unfeeling, carnal, and selfish creatures.

"I know i recently decided to gamble with men. To wear my heart out in the open. But at this point, I'm just expressing my apprehension about men. And what I think of them as a result of my past experiences."

"To those few who are not, what's described here...and those who are trying to prove me wrong..my sentiments does not concern you...and so my apologies."

I've been keeping it all bottled up inside me. All my frustrations in life.
Never were or is an easy thing for me to open up and let go of my precious sentiments. I hold on to them as if they're the only possession I have that kept me going day by day. Afraid I might fall to pieces once i dig it out of the box.

Spontaneously , it happened with No prodding or prying from others I bared part of my soul to an unexpected friend in an unconventional manner. I poured out my sentiments in the F44 uzzap chatroom. Everything was a blur since i was quite drunk when I did this. Caught off guard, it all came flowing out of me.

Hahaha the irony of life. I actually felt better having done that.
The worse part it I posted it for all to read, no bars held. With my mind's sluggish ability to think of privacy or repercussions.

The worst is I couldn't remember everything I said. Whether I went all out or kept some of it.

Such an uncanny episode that was.

The good thing though is I found a new friend worthy of my possessions...

Thanks my ogremagi...my brushtit guy...U were there when I needed a friend.

Come What May

"When she looks at me...
I know the girl sees things nobody else can see.
All of the secret fears inside and
All the craziness I hide.
She looks into my soul and reads me like nobody can and
She doesn't judge the man.
She just takes me as I am." by: AIRSUPPLY

July 25, 2009 - From the moment I decided to take chances again, things happened so fast, like a whirlwind it left me lightheaded. I looked at guys differently, like every single one of them could be THE ONE...and yet NOT.
Like all the possibilities came flooding in through an opened doorway. Its quite difficult to control. Boy! was I wrong to think this gamble would be an easy thing...its not chicken-feed after all.
There's just too many of the male species...I wish I had HOGWARTS' SORTING HAT...It would definitely tip the balance my way...and make life a lot simpler....
Then...I found a door-stopper from a heartache of yet another friend. Its good to keep connected with friends, you never know when they'd unknowingly give you inspirations and insights.
A glimpse of what I'm getting into by opening my heart: what could happen...

Today, a friend of mine felt void and empty...the reason??? The love of her life, said his vows today...to her cousin, nonetheless. Their feelings were not even given a chance to be nurtured.
Its so heartbreaking. Its unimaginably and agonizingly dreadful. The bravest of bravehearts would agree with me on this. It really is ridiculously tragic. Like my heart could not beat as it should...like its being clutched...
I feel so much more than I'd like to. And it made me stop and consider if Im really ready to have my heart broken again. But I decided to wear my heart out, m sticking to it. Every guy may be a potential and has an equal chance of being THE ONE, but I should be more CAUTIOUS in choosing who I let in.

As for my friend, if you ever you get a chance to read this blog...I feel you. LOVE NEVER KNOWS WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT. LET LIFE TAKE ITS COURSE. NO RUSH...NO PRESSURE. ITS JUST A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE YOU MEET THE RIGHT GUY FOR YOU...and for me...hehehe.

For now I'm keeping my mind on the thought that life should be lived the best way you know how, take on what life has to offer, and grab every opportunity that presents itself...Come what may. Whatever the consequences of our choices might be, take comfort in knowing that no one gets out alive in this life anyway.

MeN....Oh Man!

MEN...I don't get them--when they think they are so misunderstood. Never occurred in their think heads that sometimes they have to think and understand Women.

MEN...they're so mean--when they say who are you to me anyway? Why should I care if I hurt you? as if the world is there to serve their wants and desires only.

MEN...they make You fall--they could be sweet and sensitive selectively...they could be every woman's protector, knight-and-shining-armor, the hero of our hearts.
...and then they break You--but their winsome attitude would last only to serve their own deceitful purpose and plot.

There's just no getting over them. There is no end to their bloated ego either.
DID YOU EVER NOTICE HOW ALL OF OUR PROBLEMS BEGIN WITH MEN???
I would not have taken so much page for them had not my roommate's boyfriend showed such audacity to break up with her in such a manner as through text...and I would not go so low as to repeat what he said.

THE NERVE...WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS ANYWAY!?!

Now I am left with my brokenhearted bestfriend...Crying her heart out. I don't know how to handle things like this...nor do I have the words to make her feel better. I'm caught off guard.
I knew too much the hurt she's feeling right now, the humiliation, the anger...I've been there countless of times.

Hugged her...its the only comfort I could offer.

Holding her that way while she poured out her misery, my own break-up experience crept up on me. I had nobody then to cry on to...I felt so all alone and broken and forlorn...Vowed not to be in such a corner again, if I can help it.

IT WAS SUCH A PETTY HIM AND ME AGAINST THE CRUEL WORLD RELATIONSHIP...and I grieved over that ending for quite sometime...

I've been numb for like 2 years now...and in the space of these years, I guarded myself against such emotions. Built my wall with easy laughter, jovial smiles, and jolly conversations. I never thought it would make me hollow...I know now that I felt dead emotionally.
Like a light bulb that suddenly lit up, I realized I envied my friend for feeling so much. For living the laughter, tears, joy, and madness of being in "Love." I've been dead all those months and FOR WHAT!?! FOR WHAT!?!

A big NOTHING...A WASTE OF MY TIME, MY LIFE, MY LOVE... I've been a fool long enough and even more pathetic for not giving myself a chance to get to know those who offered their hearts and souls just so I could heal.

Just when you think things could not get any worse, they do. I'd have to agree to what a writer compared life to...an HOURGLASS...Sooner or later everything hits rock bottom. All you gotta do is be patient and wait for someone to turn everything around again.

Its never too late...a friend of mine told me...and he's right...

From now on I'm going to open my heart...I'm going to take the risk of getting hurt, and try to enjoy and feel the music of passion again...
Thanks Emz for freeing my heart by breaking yours.
How ironic this moment turned out to be huh!?!

HEY CUPID! BRING IT ON!!!

Simplicity...

An hour before the ray of the sun even touched the window, I was already wide awake. My restless soul just kept wondering around and dreading the downpour coz then I'd end up moping around the apartment for yet another 24 hours.
Alas! The sun came peeping out the window. I practically jumped out of bed (ever the agitated me...wink), woke my roommate and invited (more like demanded..) her to go stroll down the flooded river park of Marikina (just walking distance from our abode).
Didn't care much for my attire, put on some top and shorts, picked my shades and slipped in some footwear...
We chatted our way to the river bank and had some 10 pairs of eyes on us when we got to there...
We watched the goings-on. Feeling tourista.
There was a man in the water with a huge net...fishing out some stray fish, or whatever gets into it...and then throw them to his sons just beside us. Some of us cheered him on.
There were old folks around also enjoying the view and savoring the morning sun and the magic of nature after the storm.
The whole picture reminded me of home...where people know each other, small talks are easy, and life is simple.
Took some pictures...like we always do, this time with active participation of a jolly guy folk, who choreographed the shoots with his yapping...
Life in the city is not all that fleeting and wearisome if you know when to stop and enjoy the simple things around you.
It was such a lovely morning, a promise of a better day.

Rain...joy or sorrow???

Once someone said, "rain dampens his spirit..." I didn't quite get it then.

I love it when it rains...brings back happy memories of my childhood. Those blissful moments of youth when all you ever care about is playing...having fun and nothing more.
Even in college, I like rainy days--it justifies not having classes and a very good
excuse for getting wet with my dashing crush (hahaha silly but amusing).
Aah priceless.
Now, confined in an apartment due to heavy rainfall, and
I so desperately wanted to go out and see the latest Harry Potter movie.
I kinda get that gloomy feeling standing by the window, and wishing the rain would just stop. If it would only just...stop. Caged and bored, nothing much to occupy myself with but thoughts of things in the past.
Pouring rain I understand now, could maim the spirit...cripple the mind...impair the body.
What a joy.
My roommate, usually a delightful company, bathed in the bleakness brought by the rain. She's feeling the emptiness more than i do.
I know we both wished we could have shared this rainy moment cuddling in the sofa with a delightful lover.
Good for her, she has a Romeo to think about, talk with on the phone, or get mad at for not braving the rain... Times like this, I wish I could have just taken the next guy that came my way
after that awful break-up. Hahaha fat chance ey??? Hello regret! Rain and despondency, I therefore conclude could be directly proportional, as well.

soLvEd...

GOT IT!!!! YES!!! After endless hours of ransacking the web for solutions...i finally got it...
....PROBLEM FIXED...on to the next...
....thanks my bro...what would i do without you...
and thanks to emz for her patience...(she has to be..hahaha).
Gotta Rest my Beautiful TIRED EYES now...hahaha...

....such a way to lit up a rainy day...

bad mood...

its biting my head off...ds missing microsoft office msi whatever..
Grrrr...slept with it...now spending my waking moments solving it...
HELP!!!

worried

m really in the dark here... i sensed a friend in trouble and yet i cant reach her... no better yet, she doesnt wanna be reached...
sure bugged me a couple of days now... dont wanna pry..but hey curiosity killed the cat...
id rather be a cat then...